3 Situations Where A Person’s True Colours Always Show, According To Psychology

 

 On the surface, we are a mutual admiration society. That’s because we are all told to be nice to one another since there are so many “isms” that we must avoid crossing. These “isms” include colourism, featurism, sexism, and racism, to name just a few. We strive not to be accused of aligning with such unkind schools of thought. In doing so, we often spend an inordinate amount of time flattering and deceiving one another. As a result, we appear to be wonderful people, even though,

deep inside, we know we are not. In effect, we are lying to each other.

According to psychology, this phenomenon is called Communal Narcissism.

“Communal narcissism is a form of maladaptive narcissism. As the name suggests, it refers to inflated perceptions of oneself within a broader social context,” says Dr Patrice Le Goy, an acclaimed psychologist.

The concept of communal narcissism gained traction after a study on the subject was published in 2018 in the Journal of Research in Personality.

The study noted, “These findings support the notion that communal narcissism may represent an effort to gain favourable appraisals from others in the absence of a genuine communal self-view.”

In other words, a communal narcissist derives self-esteem by imagining how others perceive them for their contributions.

“Communal narcissism is defined by the same sense of entitlement and grandiosity that we associate with traditional narcissism,” explains Dr Le Goy. “The main difference is that a communal narcissist seeks validation outside of themselves to affirm their worth.”

The outcome of these actions, says Dr Le Goy, is that communal narcissists can be seen as altruistic individuals who are committed to helping others, reaping the associated praise.

There are, however, situations that allow us to peer beyond the veil of societal pretence and narcissism to reveal people’s true nature.

In a Crisis

If you want to test a person’s character, present them with a crisis that casts them in a starring role. It is in times of crisis that our instincts take over, and our true colours come through vividly, exposing who we really are. Whether it’s a breakup, a financial setback, or even a bad day, crises have a way of stripping away the veneer of respectability to reveal our core selves. As the saying goes, adversity introduces us and others to our true selves.

If you are the sort who rushes around in panic during a crisis yet remains cool and composed otherwise, it’s likely the latter behaviour is just a facade.

Dealing with Service Staff

Imagine going to a restaurant with your significant other, enveloped in love, with Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” practically playing in your heart.

Then, a waiter or waitress approaches, and you lose your smile, snapping at them simply because you can. This shows that your behaviour towards those you see as ‘lower’ in status reflects class consciousness and snobbery. It also reveals you as rude, arrogant, and lacking empathy.

How you treat waiters, cleaners, retail workers, and others in service positions reveals who you are because you have nothing to gain from them, and thus, you can afford to be yourself. If you let power dynamics influence your behaviour, it reflects your view of society — a side you conceal because you lack the authority to be your true self openly.

When Money is Involved

We all know that friend who was overly polite when they were broke, only for a sudden windfall to change their behaviour entirely. With newfound wealth, their humility evaporates, and they begin bragging, “I’m the greatest!” à la Muhammad Ali. Those who once treated others with respect may now act as though they are superior.

Money is power, and as the 16th US President Abraham Lincoln once remarked, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” Money, therefore, unveils true character, revealing traits that adversity alone might not expose.