How To Find The ‘Sisi’ In You Again

 

Life is too short to be shy about your allure. Like Billie Eilish sang, “Come out and play.”

When Kehinde Bankole (Adire) drops the line “Find the ‘sisi’ in you again” in Adire, a 2023 Nigerian film directed by Adeoluwa Owu, you feel it. The surge in you to come alive again. To be whole, seductive in the way life meant you to be. It’s equal to the feeling you get after listening to a motivational speaker. 

Life happens to us in different measures, some more intense and maddening than others. But the effect is general. You feel burnt out, like a stranger to yourself,

moping through the world as a cry for help. 

Maybe a lover broke you; perhaps you lost your job or someone dear to you; whatever happened to make you lose your spark, I hope this reaches you and helps you regain it. 

I hope it helps you find the woman who once danced through life with fire in her eyes, the one you might have buried under expectations, heartbreak, and self-doubt. 

First Things First, Who is A “Sisi”?

“Sisi” is a Yoruba expression for a young, vibrant lady. She’s a confident, alluring, stylish woman who owns her presence. A ‘sisi’ is playful, feminine, expressive, and unapologetically herself. She radiates charm, embraces her sensuality, and carries a spark that makes her unforgettable.

To find the “Sisi” in you again, you have to do the work. It takes effort to pull yourself out of that phase. Take this as your life list.

Own Your Story, All of It

Life has a way of piling shame, regret, or disappointment on us. Maybe it was a mistake you made, a relationship that failed, an opportunity you let slip, or the changes in your body after childbirth. Perhaps it’s the opinions of people who tried to shrink you.

Here’s something you should hold on to forever: Your story is the source of your power. Owning it is more than acknowledging it. It’s standing tall in it. It’s looking in the mirror and saying, “Yes, I’ve been through that. But it doesn’t define me.” 

That boldness, that audacity to claim your life, is what you need.

Reconnect With the Woman You Once Were

Think back to the girl you were before the world told you who to be. Maybe she painted boldly, sang loudly, or laughed at herself with reckless abandon. Maybe she wore the sexiest outfits and the boldest attitude without a frigging care in the world.

That woman is still inside you, waiting for permission to shine.

It’s all about confidence. How do you get to be sassy again? If you read, I recommend The Power of the Pussy. It’s useful in more ways than one. My colleague, Precious, wrote about the many ways it could help you build your confidence. 

Another great book to read if you used to be ambitious is Becoming by Michelle Obama. Her story is about owning your past, embracing growth, and stepping into your own power. Or try Untamed by Glennon Doyle, which dares you to break free from expectations and rediscover your authentic self.

And if you are not a reader, an audiobook is your best friend, darling.

Dress Sexy and Let Fashion Be Your Armour

As a dress-up girlie, I recommend fashion. It costs money, but fantasy is free. You can also make do with what you have. I’ve come to realise that a bad day can be salvaged just by dressing how I truly want. 

When you dress intentionally to suit your desires, not what society expects from you, you reclaim your power and grace as a woman. It’s a way of telling the world and yourself: ‘This is me; deal with it.’

Your wardrobe should feel like an extension of your energy. Mix textures, play with colours, and try prints that make your heart skip a beat. If you want, show some skin. Be daring, be seductive, be bold and frigging sassy. 

You are the art, and your body is the canvas. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Even a small accessory that makes you smile is a stitch of self-love.

Buy Some Lingerie/Sexy Underwear & Get Into the Art of Boudoir 

A particular scene in Adire caught my attention and inspired this article. 

Shalewa, one of the women whose marriage felt threatened by Adire’s emergence in their town, visited her with the sole aim of fighting her. After a short back and forth, Adire gifted her a set of lingerie, saying, “Find the sisi in you again.”

This is to show that the first step to being desired is feeling desirable yourself. Shalewa put on the lingerie and admired herself in the mirror. She loved her reflection. Her husband came in and went gaga. 

In the spirit of decentering men, let’s get to the point. A sexy underwear that complements your assets and makes you feel good is a tool to feel sexy again. You don’t have to reveal it for the world to see, but dear, take a picture. Pose like you’re a boudoir model; take your photos as a reminder that you are all that and more. 

Become Annoyingly Obsessed with yourself

This doesn’t happen at the snap of your fingers. It’s a gradual process. Sometimes, you’d look into the mirror and think back to when you were fuller or slimmer, to when you looked fresher and younger, to when you had fewer worries. It’s perfectly normal. 

What isn’t normal, however, is dwelling on them for too long. Snap out of it. One of the ways to be obsessed with yourself is what I listed above. Here are other ways to be obsessed with yourself:

·         Build a life you love. This is the greatest hack of all time. It's like curating a Pinterest board and rewriting the plot that is your life. Ask yourself, what makes me happy? What are the hobbies and activities that I enjoy? What do I want from life? These questions are your architectural plan for building a life that you genuinely desire. 

·         Take care of yourself. Self-love means many things today. But there's no greater act of self-love than taking care of your spirit, body, mind, and soul. Self-love means cutting out destructive habits, removing yourself from circles and situations that don't serve you, and filtering who and what has access to your body and mind. Feed your mind with the right content. Be fiercely protective of yourself like you would your phone in a rowdy place like Oshodi. Sleep well, eat healthily, exercise, and embrace the 'let them' theory for the sake of your sanity.

• Get a mirror. I may be saying this from the bubble of certain privileges, but get a mirror. Record yourself. Dance. Be a model, an actress…anything, in front of the mirror and get used to your reflection. 

These few tips will help you to be madly in love with yourself. 

Move Your Body Like it Belongs To You

Dance in your room, stretch in the sun, and walk tall down a crowded street. Sway your hips, hold gazes and let your eyes speak. The way you carry yourself communicates confidence far louder than words. 

Many of us walk hurriedly, clumsily even, with an unfocused gait due to either a sense of urgency or anxiety. Slow down. Whenever you catch yourself doing this, slow down, breathe in and out slowly and reduce your pace. Walk like you own the road or room with an aura of authority. 

Flirt

Yes, flirt. You don't know how to? When next you want to greet a man – your neighbour, church brother, or anyone (except your colleague at work, please), do this: Level your gaze to your victim. Cock your head to the side and in the sweetest voice, say, “Hey, handsome. How are you doing?” That’s the basic way to flirt.

If you want to take it a step further, play with your hair or your necklace in slow motion. This would feel weird at first, so before you try it in public, practise in front of a mirror. You see now why you need a mirror. 

Touch Yourself 

Hold that thought or imagination. That's not what I mean. If a man or woman were to caress you, how would you want him to do it? If you don't have existing relationship trauma, I'd imagine you want them to touch you with care and love.

That's exactly what you should do to yourself. In the shower, run your fingers through your body like you're in a body wash advert. When applying your moisturisers, take your time to rub them in and massage your skin. Tease yourself. 

Bonus: Read Erotica 

I said what I said. Read racy stories and use your imagination (winks). The best part of reading erotic stories is that you control the narrative. If you want, imagine the lady to be you. 

Finally 

Set boundaries like your life depends on it. Finding your ‘sisi’ also means saying no to what dulls you. Toxic relationships or friends, draining work, constant criticism – all of it chips away at your glow. Guard your time, your energy, and your peace like treasures, because that’s exactly what they are.

Surround yourself with energy that lifts you. Be playful, be daring, be unapologetic. Try that bold lipstick, buy that sexy lace underwear, start that project, take that trip. Life is too short to be shy about your allure. Like Billie Eilish sang, “Come out and play.”

Credit: Pulseng