The Surprising Way You Can Be A Better Friend Even On Your Exhausted Days

 

Learn these simple strategies for maintaining friendships when you're exhausted and still have to show up for the people who matter.

Anyone who’s tried to balance a busy adult life knows the drill: work, chores, family, self-care, and a hundred other things all trying to fight for your attention. And after all of that, your friends who make your days brighter end up getting the short end of

the stick. It’s tough to keep up with friendships when you're drained, and sometimes the thought of making plans feels like a mountain you can’t climb.

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to be your most energetic self to be a good friend. Maintaining friendships, like keeping houseplants alive, takes some care and attention, but they don’t need to thrive on perfection. You just need to be a little creative about how you show up.

Start With a Shift in Perspective (Not a Cancel Button)

Honestly, when you’re exhausted, saying “no” sounds way easier than figuring out how to rally your energy for a night out. But you don’t have to make yourself “better” before you hang out. The exhaustion you’re feeling doesn’t automatically mean you need to cancel plans. Instead, it’s a chance to tweak them. What if, instead of “doing it all,” you suggest something that fits your energy levels?

Take your houseplants, for example, yes, they need sunlight and water, but they won’t die if you skip a watering here and there. Similarly, friendships thrive on consistency, not perfection. So, if you can’t muster the energy for an extravagant evening out, how about a cosy, low-key hang instead? That way, you’re still nurturing your friendships without draining yourself further.

Text Your Way to Connection

Sometimes it’s the little things that count. When something reminds you of a friend, whether it’s a meme, a song, or just a random thought, it’s best to act on it right away. Maybe you’ve been meaning to text your bestie, but the busy days pass by, and before you know it, weeks have gone by without a word. The guilt starts to build, and reaching out feels like a bigger chore than it should be.

Instead, take the 30 seconds to type out a message now. Don’t wait until you “have more time.” Life happens, and the window for that “free moment” may not open up soon enough. Instead of a bland “Hey, how’s it going?”, personalise it. Tell your friend why you thought of them or share a silly memory. A little personal touch can make the difference between a quick, impersonal text and something that reinforces your connection.

Suggest Something Super Chill

Now, if the thought of dressing up and heading out sounds like too much, that’s okay. Being tired doesn’t mean being a bad friend. Invite your friends over for something as simple as cooking together or a Netflix and Chill moment. The key is not feeling like you have to put on a performance or follow some unwritten rule of what a “real” hangout looks like. Your friends will appreciate the effort, even if it’s a laid-back one. After all, it’s the company that counts, not the setting.

Even a phone call while doing your skincare routine or folding laundry can be a great way to check in without demanding too much of yourself. The simple moments are just as valuable as the big ones, and maybe even more so. It’s all about showing up in ways that don’t require you to put on a show.

Add Socialising to Your To-Do List

Here's a fun life hack: combine friendship time with things you already have to do. Think about it, you're probably already running errands or heading to the gym. Why not bring a friend along? You’re already out, so why not grab coffee on your way to the post office, or chat while you both hit a workout class? It’s the perfect way to keep the connection alive without adding more to your plate.

Whether it’s volunteering, a quick trip to the grocery store, or a workout class you’re already signed up for, you’re knocking out two things at once. Socialising doesn’t have to be a big event; it can fit into your already packed schedule with a little creativity.

When You’re Too Tired, Be Honest and Plan Ahead

There’s no shame in admitting you’re too tired for a social gathering. After all, friends who truly care will understand. What’s important, though, is that you don’t leave the door wide open for indefinite “next times.” Be honest about your current exhaustion, and offer a real plan for next time.

It’s important to be upfront about why you can’t meet, whether it’s a hectic week or just needing a moment to recharge. But don’t just leave it there. Follow it up with a suggestion for your next hangout. Whether it’s dinner at that new Chinese restaurant or a casual movie night, make a concrete plan. That way, it’s not just “next time,” but a real, attainable commitment.

Maintaining friendships when you're exhausted doesn't require grand gestures or endless energy. By finding low-effort ways to stay connected, whether through quick texts, chill hangouts, or combining socialising with errands, you can still nurture those relationships without overwhelming yourself. 

The key is understanding that friendship doesn’t demand perfection; it just requires consistent, small moments of care.